Crazy Jokes – Humor

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Young Chuck & Dead Donkey

Young Chuck, moved to Texas and bought a Donkey from a farmer for $100.00.

The farmer agreed to deliver the Donkey the next day. The next day he drove up and said, ‘Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died.’

Chuck replied,

‘Well, then just give me my money back.’

The farmer said,

‘Can’t do that. I went and spent it already.’

Chuck said,

‘Ok, then, just bring me the dead donkey.’

The farmer asked,

‘What ya gonna do with him?

Chuck said,

‘I’m going to raffle him off.’

The farmer said,

‘You can’t raffle off a dead donkey!’

Chuck said,

‘Sure I can Watch me. I just won’t tell anybody he’s dead.’

A month later, the farmer met up with Chuck and asked, ‘What happened with that dead donkey?’

Chuck said,

‘I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00.’

The farmer said,

‘Didn’t anyone complain?’

Chuck said,

‘Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back.’

Chuck now works for the government.

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Hair dryer laugther…

A distinguished young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the priest sitting beside her, “Father, may I ask a favor?”

“Of course, child. What may I do for you?”

“Well, I bought an expensive electronic hair dryer for my mother’s birthday that is unopened and well over the Customs limits. I’m afraid they’ll confiscate it. Is there any way you could carry it through Customs for me…under your robe, perhaps?”

“I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you… I will not lie.”

“With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.”

When they got to Customs, the woman let the priest go ahead of her. The official asked, “Father, do you have anything to declare?”

“From the top of my head down to my waist, I have nothing to declare.”

The official thought this answer strange, so asked,

“And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?”

“I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date…unused.”

Roaring with laughter, the official said, “Go ahead, Father. Next!”
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Not So Dumb Blonde (Joke)

A blonde and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Los Angeles to New York.

The lawyer asks if she would like to play a fun game. The blonde, tired, just wants to take a nap, so she politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun.

He says, “I ask you a question, and if you don’t know the answer, you pay me five dollars, and vice versa.”

Again, she declines and tries to get some sleep.

The lawyer, now agitated, says, “Okay, if you don’t know the answer, you pay me $5, and if I don’t know the answer, I will pay you $500.” This catches the blonde’s attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game.

The lawyer asks the first question: “What’s the distance from the earth to the moon?”

The blonde doesn’t say a word, reaches into her purse, pulls out a $5.00 bill, and hands it to the lawyer.

“Okay,” says the lawyer, “your turn.”

She asks, “What goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four legs?”

The lawyer, puzzled, takes out his laptop computer and searches all his references … no answer. He taps into the air phone with his modem and searches the Internet and the Library of Congress … no answer. Frustrated, he sends e-mails to all his friends and coworkers but to no avail.

After an hour, he wakes the blonde and hands her $500.

The blonde thanks him and turns back to get some more sleep.

The lawyer, who is more than a little miffed, stirs the blonde and asks, “Well, what’s the answer?”

Without a word, the blonde reaches into her purse, hands the lawyer $5, and goes back to sleep.

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Chicken Story Joke

A farmer rears twenty-five young hens and one old cock. As he feels that the old cock could no longer handle his job efficiently, the farmer bought one young cock from the market.

Old cock to Young cock : “Welcome to join me, we will work together towards productivity.

Young cock : What you mean? As far as I know, you are old and should be retired.

Old cock : Young boy, there are twenty-five hens here, can’t I help you with some?

Young cock : No! Not even one, all of them will be mine.

Old cock : In this case, I shall challenge you to a competition and if I win you shall allow me to have one hen and if I lose you will have all. Young cock : O.K. What kind of competition?

Old cock: 50 meter run. From here to that tree. But due to my age, I hope you allow me to start off the first 10 meters.

Young cock : No problem ! We will compete tomorrow morning.

Confidently, the following morning, the Young cock allows the Old cock to start off and when the Old cock crosses the 10 meters mark the Young cock chases him with all his might.

Soon enough, he was behind the Old cock back in a matter of seconds.

Suddenly, Bang! …… before he could overtake the old cock, he was shot dead by the farmer, who cursed, “Hell ! This is the fifth GAY chicken I’ve bought this week !”

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Why administrators earn more than engineers?

Why administrators earn more than engineers? Here is a math-like explanation of this really sad fact:

Primary concepts:

1. Time is money.

2. Knowledge is power.

Almost all engineers know that power can be represented like this:

•     Power = Work / Time

Making the substitutions:

•     Knowledge = Work / Money

And so, money equals:

•     Money = Work / Knowledge

Therefore, the amount of money earned is inversely proportional to knowledge!!!

This lead us to the revealing conclusion: “the less you know, the more you get paid”.
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The Silent Treatment

A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment.

Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight.

Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,

“Please wake me at 5:00 AM.” He left it where he knew she would find it.

The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight.

Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.

The paper said, “It is 5:00 AM, Wake up.”

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Japan Fast Indian Very Very Fast

There was a Japanese who went to India for sightseeing.On the last day, he hired a cab and told the driver to drive to the Airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, “Honda, very fast! Made in Japan !!!.

After a while, a Toyota sped past the taxi and again the Japanese man leaned out of the window and yelled, “Toyota, very fast! Made in Japan!”

And then a Mitsubishi sped past the taxi. For the third time, the Japanese leaned out of the window and yelled, “Mitsubishi, very fast! Made in Japan!”

The driver was a little angry, but he kept quiet. And this went on for quite a number of cars.

Finally, the taxi came to the airport. The fare was 800 rupees. !!!!The Japanese exclaimed, “What??? so expensive!”

There upon, the driver yelled back, “Meter, Made in India VERY VERY FAST !!!!!
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The Memory Pill

One man says, “My friend, you must try this memory pill I’m taking. I remember everything. It’s amazing, this pill.”

The other man says, “Sounds wonderful. What is the name of the pill?”

The first man says, “Euf! (???) The name of the pill!… Let’s see… Hmmm, what is the name of the flower… with the thorns? It’s red… You give it on Valentine’s Day?”

The other man says, “A rose?”

The first man says, “Yes, that’s right!” Then, calling for his wife, he says, “Rose, what is the name of that pill?”

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Red Shirt

Seems there was a treasure ship on its way back to port.

About halfway there, it was approached by a pirate, skull and crossbones waving in the breeze! “Captain, captain, what do we do?” asked the first mate.

“First mate,” said the captain, “go to my cabin, open my sea chest, and bring me my red shirt.”

The first mate did so. Wearing his bright red shirt, the captain inspired his crew to fight. So inspiring was he, in fact, that the pirate ship was repelled without casualties.

A few days later, the ship was again approached, this time by two pirate ships. “Captain, captain, what should we do?”

“First mate, bring me my red shirt!” The crew, emboldened by their fearless captain, fought heroically, and managed to defeat both boarding parties, though they took many casualties. That night, the survivors had a great celebration.

The first mate asked the captain the secret of his bright red shirt. “It’s simple, first mate. If I am wounded, the blood does not show, and the crew continues to fight without fear.”

A week passed, and they were nearing their home port, when suddenly the lookout cried that ten ships of the enemy’s armada were approaching!

“Captain, captain, we’re in terrible trouble, what do we do?” The first mate looked expectantly at the miracle worker. Pale with fear, the captain commanded, “First mate….bring me my brown pants!”

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Supernatural Power

There was this case in this hospital’s Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed on Friday mornings around 9am regardless of their age, gender, medical history or medical condition.

This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had to do with the supernatural: Why did death occur at that same bed around the same time every Friday?

So the doctors decided to go down to that particular ward to investigate the cause of the deaths.

Come Friday morning, everyone at the hospital ward nervously waited for the terrible phenomenon to occur again. The new (unknowing) patient laid there.

Some doctors held wooden crosses, prayer books and other holy objects to ward off evil…and they waited.

8am, the patient was still alive…

8.30am…still breathing…

Just before the ‘cursed’ time, the door to the ward swung open…

Then Ah Soh, the part-time Friday cleaner, comes in and unplugs the life support system so that she can use the vacuum cleaner!

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